FurtherFurther Adventures of Sailor Soupcan!
by The Marauders
Summary: What happens when the Queens of Mary-Sue write HP fanfiction after seeing Pirates of the Carribean? . . . well, this! Ginny is kidnapped and Neville has to get the help of a pirate to save his one true love! R


The Further-Further Adventures of Capitan Soupcan  
  
Characters  
  
Capitan Soupcan ( Linky Dragonclaw ) Captain Barbados ( Katarina Darkblood ) Neville Turner Virginia Swann Ronald the Not-So-Dilligent (also refered to as Ronald the Unprudent for reasons later to be revealed) Commodore Harry the Angsty Arthur Swann (the wigged father) Sir Jon the Yet-To-Have-A-Purpose-Apart-From-Being-Soupcan's-Randomly- Appearing-Love-Interest Whimsical Warren Bookstrap (Hermione) Fred and George, Lackeys of Commodore Harry the Angsty Various Characters to Appear Later at Our Discretion, Including A-Yet-To-Be- Revealed-Love-Interest and many lackeys of Barbados the Blonde Barbados's lackey - Draco Malfoy (with dreads) Barbados's lackey - Crabbe (with the beadie face things) Barbados's other lackeys - Mad-Eye Moody and Crouch  
  
Yet again, another wad of insane drivel by the great Moony and Prongs! You know the drill, (P) means Prongs is writing, (M) means Moony. Enjoy!  
  
PS: This is Pirates of the Carribean-inspired, by the way =)  
  
Chapitar 1  
  
(P)  
  
Out in the middle of nowhere, which, by the way, is somewhere in the Carribean sea, a tallish, blondish, bluish eyed girl stands with a ridiculiously large hat on her head at the helm of a largish, oldish, smellish ship, yelling loudly at a bunch of lackeys as a shortish, redheaddedish, icyish eyed girl stands on a little island, raging loudly and cursing rather horrendously at the leaving ship. The redhead, our dear Capitan Soupcan - who has once again found herself in a rather tight squeeze - is roguish. We know she is roguish, because she has beads in her hair.  
  
Barbados: RUN AWAY!  
  
Lackeys: Run Away! Run Away!  
  
Barbados: **slaps forehead** Don't just STAND there, do it!  
  
Lackeys: Oh, yes! Yes!  
  
There is a flurry of movement as the Lackeys run around and do . . . what you're supposed to do to get a ship to move . . . and Barbados stands, pretending to steer.  
  
Suddenly, a monkey, looking oddly like Whimsical Warren, jumped on to Barbados' shoulder, as she lets out a loud, bizzare laugh - more like a donkey braying than a laugh. But that is not the point. The point is, that there is a large, Warrenesque monkey on her shoulder.  
  
The Clergy Man: Oughtn't it to be on her back?  
  
Fancy Cocktail Waitress: Oh, no dear, you can't have that, that's for the penguins!  
  
Small Child: Pikachu! Thunder Attack!  
  
Meanwhile, back on Jupiter, the Ewoks awaited their chance for an attack. Back on the Island, however, Capitan Soupcan has ceased cursing and has made an important discovery.  
  
Soupcan: I've made an important discovery!  
  
In the very close distance, a ship appeared.  
  
Soupcan: Uh, do you think I could catch a lift?  
  
Ship Captain: Are you a raper of nostrils?  
  
Soupcan: What? ME? I'm roguish! I am not a raper of Nostrils!  
  
Ship Captain: Then how did you come about to this island?  
  
Soupcan: I am a victim of a terrible mutiny.  
  
Ship Captain: Oh, how terrible.  
  
Soupcan: Alas, it was . . . may I impose upon you a lift off it?  
  
Ship Captain: Well . . . no funny stuff . . .  
  
Soupcan: Mwhhaaaa! I shall have my revenge, Barbados!  
  
As the ship leaves, a thirteen year old boy with a dreadfully savage look about him appears. Following him are a dozen or so bloodthirsty savage boys of all ages.  
  
Ralph: No! Saaavvvvee mmeeee!  
  
Jack: Mwhhaaaaa!  
  
Chapitair 3  
  
Having escaped from the Island (which is more than we can say for Ralphy), and being dropped off in (Insert Name of Town Here), Capitan Sparrow proceeded to the nearest eating establishment, at which an unproportionally large population of Vikings sat, together with a few stuffy englishmen and a young blacksmith, who was concentrating on his meal. A waitress with a pink, fluffy sweater and a pink, sparkly quill approached.  
  
Prof. Umbridge: Why heelooooo there, how can I help you?  
  
Soupcan: Er . . . what's the special?  
  
Prof. Umbridge: According to the Restaurant Menu Act, signed by the Lord High Inquisitor Poo-Bah - myself - there is Spam, Spam and Ham, Spam and Ham and Eggs, Spam and Ham and Eggs and Toast . . .  
  
Soupcan: Anything without spam?  
  
There is a gasp from every person present.  
  
Every Person Present: **gasp**  
  
The Vikings: **Very Norwedic Gasp**  
  
Prof. Umbridge: That's it! Detention!  
  
Soupcan: **draws sword** Back, evil vermin!  
  
Soupcan escapes, only barely, but not without attracting the attention of Neville the Blacksmith.  
  
(S)  
  
Katarina: "S" for Soupcan! Get it?  
  
Linky: **slaps forehead** Stop confusing them! It's (M)!  
  
(M)  
  
Chapitair 4  
  
Soupcan: Well, now that I finally got off the island, established that I am indeed roguish, that there was indeed a mutiny aboard my ship, the Hippogriff, that Barbados is Katarina and is, once again, the villain, and that she is bluish eyed and evil and has a monkey, I think we can finally get on with the story.  
  
She walked calmly down the street, trying to find another pub where she may drink her ale. She did find another pub, but unfortunately it is under renovations and she was forced to find another another pub. She did find another another pub, but that one was only for pineapples. A pineapple pub, one might say. So she was forced to find another another another pub, and she did find it. Actually, it was a smithey's, but the stout, freckled, pale blacksmith offered her a pint if she came in, and she decided it was worth a go.  
  
Soupcan: So where's my pint?  
  
Neville: I. . . don't have one, but I'll fight you if you'd like!  
  
Soupcan: You mean you challenge me?  
  
Neville: Yes!  
  
Soupcan: To a duel?  
  
Neville: Yes!  
  
Soupcan: To the death?  
  
Neville: Ye- no! I-I never learned that in DA.  
  
Soupcan: DA? Deranged Antelopes? Dark Apocalypse? Fish Lake? Oh! I get it. You must be from Fish Lake. Anyway, no thanks. I have to get caught by the commodore and threaten your girlfriend before we duel. I'll get back on that later. G'day, mate!  
  
Soupcan promptly left as Neville set up his ass for the fight scene that would take place later. She headed back to the dock, adjusting the very cool pirate hat atop her head and the patch over her perfectly functional eye, and strode up to two broad-shouldered, freckled red-heads dressed in England's scarlets.  
  
Soupcan: G'day, gentles. This be a mighty fine ship that ye be guardin'.  
  
Fred: It is.  
  
George: Yeh, belongs to the ministry.  
  
Soupcan: I see. Well . . . I'll just be stealin' it now if you don't mind.  
  
Fred: Wait, yeh can't do that!  
  
Soupcan: I can't?  
  
George: No!  
  
Soupcan: Because it's against the rules?  
  
George: Nah, we don't give a damn about that. Because it's a nice ship and we wouldn't want to see it go to just anybody. It is the fastest in the Caribbean, after all.  
  
Soupcan: Faster than. . . the Hippogriff?  
  
Fred: It's faster than any REAL ship.  
  
Soupcan: The Hippogriff is real!  
  
Fred: No it isn't!  
  
George: It is, I've seen it! It was made of wood and had a bow and a  
stern!  
  
Fred: But did it have a blondish blueish captain and a monkey?  
  
George: Well, I don't know. . .  
  
Fred: So you're sayin that only the Hippogriff is made of wood and has a bow and a stern?  
  
George: Yes. Every other ship is made of ducks! Everyone knows that!  
  
Fred: I thought they were made of witches.  
  
George: No, no, that's murder! We're wizards, stupid!  
  
Fred: Oh, yeah. . . but why ducks?  
  
George: Because ducks float on water like wood, and witches.  
  
Fred: Oh, right.  
  
Fred turns back to where Soupcan was standing.  
  
Fred: So, you see, it's faster than any ship that REALLY exist-huh?  
  
Unfortunately, Soupcan was gone! They turned and saw her roping up the ship.  
  
Fred: Wait, stop her! Call the Commodore!  
  
George: Who?  
  
Fred: HARRY!  
  
George: Oh, right! OI! HARRY! SOMEONE'S TRYING TO STEAL YER SHIP!  
  
(P)  
  
Meanwhile, on the Hippogriff .  
  
Barbados: Yo Ho Yo Ho, A Pirate's Life For Me!  
  
Back on the Island, in a very stuffy house, lived Arthur Swann. He was taking a very loverly dress to his rather adventurous daughter, Virginia, who was, unbeknownst to him, a Pirate, a fact which is still unbeknownst to Arthur but is now beknownst to us.  
  
Virginia: Yo Ho Yo Ho, A Pirate's Life for Me!  
  
Arthur: Now, Virginia, today is Captain Harold's promotion ceremony.  
  
Virginia: . . . so?  
  
Arthur: So you have to look pretty. Try this stuffy dress on!  
  
Virginia: No!  
  
Arthur: But you must!  
  
Virginia: Why?  
  
Arthur: For the sake of the plot!  
  
Suddenly, MM appears (aww, you know who it is) with the RPG - the Random Plot Generator.  
  
MM: If you don't, I will be forced to press the RPG and you will end up in a bikini on a purple spotted dinosaur inflatable tubie on the River Eytrueigbsssuuxubberflex on Jupiter with the Ewoks who are awaiting their opportunity to attack!  
  
Virginia: Wow, that's worse than dining with the crew of the Hippogriff . . . naked!  
  
Arthur: What?!?  
  
Virginia: **exasperated** Just give me the dress, dad.  
  
Later, at the ceremony . . .  
  
Harry: Hmm, let's walk down here pompously . . .  
  
Harry walks down to Virginia pompously, feeling very special. Feeling specialer than a lemming on his 293802th birthday, as a matter of fact. He leads her over to a large cliff, where one small step would make them fall over.  
  
Harry: Virginia, you have grown to be a most beautiful woman, and I was . . . heeeeeyyyy!  
  
At that very moment, Fred and George came flying into Harry with the news that someone was trying to steal his ship and accidentally knocked him off the edge. Virginia looked down.  
  
Virginia: Shucks, what a pity.  
  
Fred: Well, someone save him!  
  
George: What are you looking at me for?!?  
  
Virginia: Oh, for crying out loud!  
  
Virginia rips off her dress, revealing a tightly laced corset and poofy white underdresses. She looks down, and plunges into the icy water below, managing to pull Harry up from underwater and on to the dock. Meanwhile, Soupcan has been arrested and yet, have no fear, as she has devised a rather clever plan.  
  
Soupcan: I have devised a plan. And, might I add, it is rather clever!  
  
Grabbing the just rescued Harry by the neck with the handcuffs, she uses Harry to escape the clutches of the English Seamen.  
  
Random little Girl #1: You're lying!  
  
Random Little Duck #1: No, look! See? Men!  
  
Soupcan takes off into the heart of the town, and slips into the blacksmith's.  
  
Neville: Oy! You again!  
  
Soupcan: No . . . really . . .  
  
Neville: Er - can we duel yet? I've been practicing.  
  
Soupcan: Well, I suppose . . .  
  
**Insert Really Awesome Super Misteru Sparkal Level Dual Here**  
  
Neville: Well, okay, what should we do now? Neither of us won!  
  
Soupcan: Whaddya mean? I won!  
  
Neville: Did not!  
  
Soupcan: Did too!  
  
Suddenly (like everything else in this story), a duck appeared.  
  
Soupcan: A DUCK!  
  
Neville: What?  
  
Soupcan: It's . . . it's . . . the Hippogriff!  
  
Neville: Er . . . wasn't that a ship?  
  
Soupcan: Ah! They're outside!  
  
Neville: Hold yer horses, govenor, you just skipped a half-hour of plot!  
  
Barbados: Heh. Plot. Who needs it?  
  
Neville: How'd you get here?  
  
Soupcan: YOU!  
  
Barbados: Just here to kidnap Ginny . . .  
  
Neville: No!  
  
Barbados: Yes! Mwhhhaaaa!  
  
With a loud crack, Barbados and her pirate lackeys depart, and Neville runs outside to the large but stuffy house of his lady-love.  
  
Neville: Virginia! Virginia! Where are you? I swear I'm going to save you, if it's the last thing I do! 


End file.
